Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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