just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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