The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
