She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize