Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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