My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
