Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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