wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
