Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
