YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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