i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
