Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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