he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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