I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
