My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
