The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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