highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize