i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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