I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
