yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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