i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
