my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
