Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
