im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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