His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I could make wine with my vomit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
