Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize