Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
