like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
