I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
