good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
