So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got inside last night via doggy door
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
