And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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