I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pray to the hookup gods
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
