its not stalking. its research.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
