I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
