You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
