Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
