So drunk its hurt
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
