I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
