omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize