I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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