If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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