I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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