I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
