they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
