She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
