The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
