I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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