Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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