I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
