I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize