I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
