I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
