He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
