the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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