I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
