Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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